My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
