You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
