im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
