worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
