so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You have to summon your inner elephant
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
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