we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
