New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
