So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Edward fifth and chaser hands
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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