Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
