i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
