What a fucking waste of an outfit
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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