My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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