Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
