That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
