nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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