Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
