Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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