You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
