mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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