My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
