why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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