That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
