Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize