You just made me feel so damn special
I'm lost and stupid without you.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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