i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
