there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
