I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
