seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
