I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
