He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
