Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
bring money and cleavage
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize