My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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