Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
