I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
