Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
