There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
