so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
