If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
