I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
it's great music for shaving your balls
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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