we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
