I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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