I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize