we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
