We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I see more hoeing in ur future
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