Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
