I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
