I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
