just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
