can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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