Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
