he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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