So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
