last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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