Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You can't just leave with hair like that
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
