I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
