what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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