i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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