shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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