Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
