You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
