in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
