Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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