Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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